Stressful Situations

There is a method that we learned in class that I want to share with you that will be beneficial for problem solving whether it is in you marriage or just simply trying to figure out if you should buy that new house or get a different job, whatever the problem or concern is, following these seven steps will facilitate  finding a solution.

1. Set time and place.
   it is important to always have a place and a set time that you always talk about things, so for instance, having a spot in your home where you discuss family matters or finances will really help you be where you need to be mentally and there will be less distractions around.
2. Speak love and gratitude to each other.
   You will never be able to get anything done if there is a spirit of contention among you and your spouse. There must be a spirit of peace and love around so that things that need to be taken care of will. This will also allow for both parties to have each others best interest at hand and not have an attitude of selfishness and pride.
3. Pray
   Regardless of what faith you are, Heavenly Father wants to help you, he wants you to be happy and he has your best interest at heart, you are his child. Beginning with a prayer will set the tone for the kind of conversation the two of you will have. Expressing your concerns to him will show him that you keep his will in mind and it will show him that you are willing to be open to what he thinks is best for you and your family.
4. Agenda
   Having an agenda will make your meeting run much smoother. You will have a plan and your thoughts will be more organized. You won't waste time, not will you be scatterbrained.
5. Discuss till consensus to the Lord's Will.
   Be open to God's will will allow you to grow closer and ultimately make the right decision.
6.  Closing Prayer.
   Closing with a prayer will show God that you are thankful for what you have and for how the meeting went. He will be more inclined to bless you and to help you.
7. Refreshments.
   The best part!!! after your discussion, you must enjoy some yummy refreshments that will allow you to not be so tense, especially if what was being discussed was adding tension to your marriage. It will help set the mood and remind you why the both of you are still married.

Getting Married

Love-Wedding-Marriage

Expectations- when people marry they have certain expectations about what their life will be like as a married person. People tend to believe that they will be happy, their spouse will be faithful and that it will last forever. This could be a problem because at times many couples have too high expectations in  their spouse, if they believe that their spouse will always put the toilet seat down or put the cap back on the toothpaste, they are setting themselves up for disappointment. A wise older woman once said, something along the lines of my standards where always high, I just lowered my expectations.

The Wedding

A public ceremony that validates and celebrates a couples marriage. interestingly enough in the United States the wedding has become a lucrative business as well as an elaborate affair.

*interesting fact- the average wedding cost in the United States cost $27,800 WOW- that is not including the "destination wedding"

an elaborate wedding can cause tension between the bride and her fiance and even the families of both.


Adjusting to Marriage

Women are more likely than men to have their contracts violated.

 

"I'm doing this because I love you"

life changing videos: Mothers and Fathers

                                                                                       

Parenting is such a touchy subject because there are so many different ways of doing it, but does that mean that they are all correct? Well many parents would say that their parenting skills are the best or that they way they discipline is the most correct. Some have even said "Well the kids need to know who's the boss, they need a little bruising here and there"

there are three different types of parenting that I want to talk about

• Authoritarian-
  -the approach is to exercise maximum control and to expect unquestioning obedience .
  there is little give and take interaction between the parent and the child. it's the parent's way or no way. children don't have much thought or opinions in the matter.
  when there is dicispline involved it is physical and severe.
• Authoritative-
  -the approach is to put boundaries on acceptable behavior within a warm, accepting context.
  this is the best type of parenting there is. The parents create an environment where they have control to teach and impliment rules and consequences but the children have the opportunity to make mistakes and to choose whether or not they do the right thing. This type of parenting allows children to make mistakes and learn from them. It gives them the sense of being independent to an extent within certain boundaries.
• Permissive-
  -This approach is to minimize any control, children have the ability to live their lives the way they want to, with no responsibilities or discipline or control. Parent show little to no interest in the child's behavior or activity outside the home.
  
  
  *parents might approach the permissive parenting style to again friendship and love from their children.  
  
  
  *Aversive and nonaversive discipline are the two general types of discipline.
  Aversive is when there is yelling and spanking.
  Nonaversive is when there are toys being taken away, timeout, and when there is explanations of why a certain behavior is inappropriate.
  
  
  Interesting statistics
  African Americans are more likely to use spanking and yelling
  Whites are more likely to use timeouts and removal of toys.
  Those parents over the age of 20 are more likely to use yelling, adolescent parents are twice      as likely to use spanking as older parents.
  Spankins is more common among those of lower economical levels.

"Are You My Dad?"

Fathers are so important in a child's life. Take a look at the following statistics about the effects of absent  fathers. statistics

The following video gives credit to all dad's do. dad rap fatherhood comes in all shapes and sizes, related or not. children need fathers in their lived to help guide them and most importantly teach them and be an example of what a good man has the potential of becoming.

I'm sorry I keep posting so many videos but I truly believe in the importance of having a father be involved and be part of a child's memories and learning experiences. I was blessed to be able to have a father in my life. He was always around growing up. He never let us go without. 

the following is an example of a father who, regardless of the obstacles in his life, did what it took to provide for his family and was an active father and husband. A FATHER INDEED

Another aspect of family I want to talk about is Finances! What a scary word I'm sure. Did yo know that one of the major reasons for divorce is due to poor finances and conflict.

              Many professionals suggest that being financially aware and learning to have a budget is key to a stress free, conflict free and successful marriage. Here are 12 points that will help you, your marriage and your family to surviving the bonds of financial instability and debt!

1. Teach family members early the importance of working and earning. “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread” (Genesis 3:19) is not outdated counsel. It is basic to personal welfare.

One of the greatest favors parents can do for their children is to teach them to work.

2. Teach children to make money decisions in keeping with their capacities to comprehend. “Save your money” is a hollow pronouncement from a parent to a child.

3. Teach each family member to contribute to the total family welfare. Encourage fun projects, understandable to the children, that contribute to a family goal or joy.

4. Teach family members that paying financial obligations promptly is part of integrity and honesty development.

Paying tithing promptly to Him who does not come to check up each month will teach us to be more honest with those physically closer at hand.

5. Learn to manage money before it manages you. A bride-to-be would do well to ask herself, “Can my sweetheart manage money? Does he know how to live within his means?” These are more important questions than “Can he earn a lot of money?” New attitudes and relationships toward money should be developed constantly by all couples. After all, the partnership should be full and eternal.

  6. Learn self-discipline and self-restraint in money matters. Such conduct can be more important than courses in accounting. Married couples show genuine maturity when they think of their partners and their families ahead of their own spending impulses.

7. Use a budget. Avoid finance charges except for homes, education, and other vital investments.

8. Make education a continuing process. Complete as much formal, full-time education as possible.

9. Work toward home ownership. This qualifies as an investment, not consumption. Buy the type of home your income will support.

10. Appropriately involve yourself in an insurance program. It is most important to have sufficient medical and adequate life insurance.

11. Strive to understand and cope with existing inflation. Learn to see through the money illusion and recognize the real value of money.

12. Appropriately involve yourself in a food storage program. Accumulate your basic supplies in a systematic and an orderly way.

for the complete article Click here

"Hello..... is anyone in there?"

Have you ever felt like you were speaking to a wall? or perhaps felt like everything you were saying was going in one ear and out the other of the person you were trying to speak too? Well come marriages whether or not you are married or not, you better be prepared now to feel like your not being listened to and some how the both of you are speaking two different languages.

Is there anything that can be done to fix this or prevent it? Well fortunately for you there is. EVERYONE can learn how to be a better communicator. For a different class I have been

reading a book... How to Make a Goof Marriage Great by Victor B. Cline, Ph.D
In it he gives 10 tips on how to improve communication in your marriage.

1. Have discussions together where you won't be interrupted by electronics, kids or work.
2. Allow enough time to work through important problems.
3. Never discuss serious issues when either one of you is hungry. (i think this one is fascinating and i probably never would have thought of it. it's funny though because just this week my roommate was arguing with her boyfriend and she turns to me and says, man he is being such a jerk, but it's because he is hungry and when he is hungry he is very prone to irritation.)
4. Be a GOOD listener. Hear your partner out.
5. Don't run away if things get tense, if emotions arise whether they are tears or anger.
6. Be honest. But do it kindly and tactically.
7. Avoid "YOU" statements.
8. Share feelings. If you feel upset when he does or doesn't do something tell him/her.
9. Be POSITIVE with you partner.
10. If you topic is to hot to be discussed then write your partner a letter in a loving manner what your thoughts and feelings are, and then discuss them afterwards.

I think all ten of these tips are something that we can all put in good use whether it be with our spouse or with a roommate parent or friend.

Depression is an evil poison that spreads through you life like a wildfire.

Sometimes when caught in this dark cloud, we believe that we did something to deserve this and that there is no way out. But we are wrong. Depression is consisted of a vicious cycle that involves:
         
                                                                Think-Feel-Do
The way we think is going to influence the way we feel which will lead to what we do. We are in control of the way we feel.

It all starts with a simple positive thought a day. Soon you will realize that you are in more control of your mood than you believe.

Most of the thoughts that are negative miserable are not true. Often what we believe we see in the mirror, and the reflection staring back at us is not the same person that others see.

"mommy what does this mean?"

      Imagine reading a book my the fireplace on cold winter night when your seven year old comes up to you and wants to know about sex. What do you do? Do you scream and run away from your child yelling "No why now?" Do you sit down with your child and have them take notes as you give them the whole spill? Do you spank them and tell them to never say that word again?

     These among many others, are different ways parents tend to approach the "Birds and the Bees" conversation.

What should children know? and When should they know it? These are some important things to consider as you decided to have children and more importantly as they begin to arrive at that age when their mind wonders and they crave the knowledge that comes from the world around them. 

My first question is why do parents tend to avoid talking to their children about sex.

    In class we discussed how many parents avoid the "talk" with their children, out of embarrassment, a belief that the children are to young to know about sex and that it's best to tell them before marriage. The opportunity never came up, the child lacks "the right parent" to have that conversation with. There are many different reason why parents don't talk to the child. They tend to rely on the school to educate their child in regards to sex abstinence and what not.

The following is a list that we came up with in class about the Don't of children's Sex Education.

(It doesn't mean that they are all correct, or that you are a bad parent if you don't follow these guidelines. i personally really like them and i agree with them.)

Don't

• Shut down when your child comes with a question or concern.
• Wait till someone else talks to your child to bring it up. (School)
• Don't relay on the message that comes from the media.
• Talk about it just once. Allow yourself to be open with your child and vise versa. open lines of communication.
• Have only one parent involved in talking about it, instead of having both.
• Lie 
  It is so important for their to be lines of communication between both partners and between children. They should feel like they can come and talk to you at any point about anything. Sex is not a bad thing when it is done within the bonds of marriage between a man and a women. Sex is not something to be embarrassed about. It's a good idea to have both parents present when possible because it they will both have a different perspective or the reverence and sacredness of sex. Don't make it something where your child will be afraid or shy to come talk to you about.
  

Babies, babies and more babies

For all of you expecting mothers out there, here is a small word of advice that I would like to share with you. Take it as you want but if you think about it, it is a wise thing to consider.

First: Women tend be on cloud nine when they become pregnant. All they want to do is talk about the baby and what they will name him, what color the nursery will be, what toys he will have, the dipper brand, his education, friends, extra curricular activities... should I go on? Well all that is great but the baby should not become the center of your world. It took two to tango, so please please don't leave your husband out in the ditch. We tend to migrate and associate with other expecting women or just women in general because we feel like they will be more understanding and more supportive, they will have good ideas. We might even believe that our husbands are not interested in the brand of dippers or what educational programs we will let them watch. But ladies we are WRONG to assume such things. Not all men might voice their opinion or give suggestions on nursery colors but they do care and they do want to be included. The want to feel appreciated. They still want home cooked meals whenever possible, they want to talk about something other than binkies and bottles.
      Here are some suggestions in ways to include husbands during pregnancy:

• let them feel when they baby kicks.
• have them come to the checkups and ultrasounds
• go baby shopping together.
• let him read and talk to the baby.

Another important thing is to keep the romance alive during pregnancy, don't neglect his needs of wanting someone to talk to and spend time together. GO ON DATES. They can be inexpensive dates.

I had an WOW moment in class on Thursday, I have always thought and had strong feeling in regards to not letting any family members in the delivery room except for my husband. it's a personal and private matter that should only be between husband and wife. 

Well in class the point was brought up that when other family members are in the delivery room as well. It can turn into mommy, baby, and grandma instead of mommy, baby and daddy. It is a sacred and tender moment that needs to be shared between the new mother and father. Allowing others into the equation can make the husband feel left out and can create a gap in the marriage relationship that wont ever be able to heal.

Marriage v. Cohabitation

Don't you just love those moments in life when everything makes sense and you wish others could experience the same thing from a piece of information that could ultimately decide your marital satisfaction for the rest of your life?

Well today Someone said something that was profound and that anyone from any culture or religion could understand. She said "Marriage is based off faith, Cohabitation is based off fear." 

So why is cohabiting becoming more and more popular not only in our society but all over the globe. Why do people cohabit?

• it's a test trial to see how marriage works.
• they want to make sure they are compatible with each other.
• afraid of commitment so they rather be able to get out of it if something doesn't workout.
• they want to be their own person.
• less responsibilities.

and so much more.

Today in class my teacher was telling us that there is a new law in Mexico City that gives out 2 year marriage licenses and that after that if you still want to be married and everything work's out fine, then you can get an "upgrade" of five years. Hoe ridiculous. If we start treating people with the expectation that marriage is going fail, then those who do deiced to go into marriage, will do so with the attitude of "it's ok if it doesn't work out because society expects that now."

In a world filled with so much temptation and so much deceit how do we know that the marriage we are going into is built on a solid foundation? or courting for that sake?

        There are five steps that one needs to take in order to have a successful and healthy attachment and relationship.

1. Know
2. Trust
3. Rely
4. Commit
5. Touch

these steps go down in this order, You must have High Knowledge of someone before you can trust them, you can only rely on someone you trust them. Once you realize they are someone who you can rely on then come the commitment, which in turn will allow for physical touch to increase to a certain level before marriage. 

In cohabitation these steps are not followed. For the most part, people build a relationship on the touch with out really knowing them. They confuse feelings of love based on hormones and adrenaline.

     A powerful and successful relationship can happen and we all want one, the thing is it takes time and effort and most of us aren't willing to put forth the work. I can attest from personal experience that when a relationship is based on the touch and your levels of the five attachments are all out of sequence, your relationship will not work. No matter how much you want it to, it won't. Love is a beautiful feeling, that like a plant, love needs to be nourished and taken care off.

United as one?

       Does Social class influence a family's capacity to meet it's needs and responsibilities?


I believe that having more money can facilitate the families availability for the resources needed. I think parent's can provide for all the material things children and families need better than low income parents. With that being said Ive been able to see both sides of the spectrum and I can see how having too much money and power can harden and even destroy families. Some parents can't provide the emotional stability their child needs because they are letting the nanny do that. I have seen how in lower income homes where both parents have to work to make ends meet, when the mother is home with the children, she makes every second count. Families who don't have much tend to treasure and value what little they do have. They stick together and face the next challenge as a family.


What is class anyway? what defines class? It seems to me that everything that is on the list tends to shift more towards the material thing. But what's really important in life? it's not the amount of stocks you own, or the number of countries you've visited, nor the number of shoes or cars you own. Usually the most important is that which comes at no monetary price.


It sadness me to see what this world is coming too and who there are still people out there who are oblivious to the world around them, who all they can think of or worry about is where to buy their next house. 


I can't help but to find comfort in the scripture found in Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.

Too many Kids??????

"Children are an heritage of the Lord"  see more

Children are one of the most precious gifts God has given mankind. Many questions have come up about will there be enough food and land to sustain human life if we keep having children? Am i fearful of the world that my children will grown in? Is there such thing as over populating the world and am I contributing to the problem instead of helping find a solution? NO! Heavenly Father has commanded us to multiply and replenish the world. If he being the creator of such a world has given us such a commandment, than there must be enough resources for everyone to keep his commandment and to start families. If we think about it, every social structure is created around families. Education, religion, Family and so on. Without families we wouldn't be able to grow and progress. 

Family= The place were we develop Charity. 

Being in a family allows us to prepare for eternity by allowing us to develop relationships with other imperfect people such as ourselves. Families will test our patience, our bonds and our faith in each other. 

my mother always tells me that the things that are the hardest are things that are worth fighting for, the things of greater worth. I believe this to be true. 

We need to remember that the world will try to frighten us with ideas of over population and how that will affect the economy and what ont but one thing that we need to remember is this

            "Don't take council from your fears" president Baron

 

Welcome!

Hello there, Welcome to my blog! I'm excited to begin this new adventure with all of you and I hope that together we will be able to learn from each other. I'm starting this blog for my Family Relations class at Brigham Young University-Idaho. In this blog you will find many topics related to the importance of family and the different types of relationships that are found in the family. I will share my insight about the things that I have acquired while being in this class. Unfortunately the world that we are living in is slowly loosing it's sight and understanding of The Family and it's importance in our society. 

I'll tell you a little about myself, I'm 21 and I'm studying Sociology with a minor in Marriage and Family Studies. I plan to continue my education and go on to grad school. I plan on getting my masters in Marriage and Family counseling. The reason for this, is that I have such a strong belief in the family and in marriage. I love love and I believe that every one is capable of finding it and once they do, I want to help them stay in a healthy relationship and help them understand the importance of a solid foundation in marriage, will not only benefit them as a couple but their children as well.