"Hello..... is anyone in there?"

Have you ever felt like you were speaking to a wall? or perhaps felt like everything you were saying was going in one ear and out the other of the person you were trying to speak too? Well come marriages whether or not you are married or not, you better be prepared now to feel like your not being listened to and some how the both of you are speaking two different languages.

Is there anything that can be done to fix this or prevent it? Well fortunately for you there is. EVERYONE can learn how to be a better communicator. For a different class I have been

reading a book... How to Make a Goof Marriage Great by Victor B. Cline, Ph.D
In it he gives 10 tips on how to improve communication in your marriage.

1. Have discussions together where you won't be interrupted by electronics, kids or work.
2. Allow enough time to work through important problems.
3. Never discuss serious issues when either one of you is hungry. (i think this one is fascinating and i probably never would have thought of it. it's funny though because just this week my roommate was arguing with her boyfriend and she turns to me and says, man he is being such a jerk, but it's because he is hungry and when he is hungry he is very prone to irritation.)
4. Be a GOOD listener. Hear your partner out.
5. Don't run away if things get tense, if emotions arise whether they are tears or anger.
6. Be honest. But do it kindly and tactically.
7. Avoid "YOU" statements.
8. Share feelings. If you feel upset when he does or doesn't do something tell him/her.
9. Be POSITIVE with you partner.
10. If you topic is to hot to be discussed then write your partner a letter in a loving manner what your thoughts and feelings are, and then discuss them afterwards.

I think all ten of these tips are something that we can all put in good use whether it be with our spouse or with a roommate parent or friend.

Depression is an evil poison that spreads through you life like a wildfire.

Sometimes when caught in this dark cloud, we believe that we did something to deserve this and that there is no way out. But we are wrong. Depression is consisted of a vicious cycle that involves:
         
                                                                Think-Feel-Do
The way we think is going to influence the way we feel which will lead to what we do. We are in control of the way we feel.

It all starts with a simple positive thought a day. Soon you will realize that you are in more control of your mood than you believe.

Most of the thoughts that are negative miserable are not true. Often what we believe we see in the mirror, and the reflection staring back at us is not the same person that others see.

"mommy what does this mean?"

      Imagine reading a book my the fireplace on cold winter night when your seven year old comes up to you and wants to know about sex. What do you do? Do you scream and run away from your child yelling "No why now?" Do you sit down with your child and have them take notes as you give them the whole spill? Do you spank them and tell them to never say that word again?

     These among many others, are different ways parents tend to approach the "Birds and the Bees" conversation.

What should children know? and When should they know it? These are some important things to consider as you decided to have children and more importantly as they begin to arrive at that age when their mind wonders and they crave the knowledge that comes from the world around them. 

My first question is why do parents tend to avoid talking to their children about sex.

    In class we discussed how many parents avoid the "talk" with their children, out of embarrassment, a belief that the children are to young to know about sex and that it's best to tell them before marriage. The opportunity never came up, the child lacks "the right parent" to have that conversation with. There are many different reason why parents don't talk to the child. They tend to rely on the school to educate their child in regards to sex abstinence and what not.

The following is a list that we came up with in class about the Don't of children's Sex Education.

(It doesn't mean that they are all correct, or that you are a bad parent if you don't follow these guidelines. i personally really like them and i agree with them.)

Don't

• Shut down when your child comes with a question or concern.
• Wait till someone else talks to your child to bring it up. (School)
• Don't relay on the message that comes from the media.
• Talk about it just once. Allow yourself to be open with your child and vise versa. open lines of communication.
• Have only one parent involved in talking about it, instead of having both.
• Lie 
  It is so important for their to be lines of communication between both partners and between children. They should feel like they can come and talk to you at any point about anything. Sex is not a bad thing when it is done within the bonds of marriage between a man and a women. Sex is not something to be embarrassed about. It's a good idea to have both parents present when possible because it they will both have a different perspective or the reverence and sacredness of sex. Don't make it something where your child will be afraid or shy to come talk to you about.
  

Babies, babies and more babies

For all of you expecting mothers out there, here is a small word of advice that I would like to share with you. Take it as you want but if you think about it, it is a wise thing to consider.

First: Women tend be on cloud nine when they become pregnant. All they want to do is talk about the baby and what they will name him, what color the nursery will be, what toys he will have, the dipper brand, his education, friends, extra curricular activities... should I go on? Well all that is great but the baby should not become the center of your world. It took two to tango, so please please don't leave your husband out in the ditch. We tend to migrate and associate with other expecting women or just women in general because we feel like they will be more understanding and more supportive, they will have good ideas. We might even believe that our husbands are not interested in the brand of dippers or what educational programs we will let them watch. But ladies we are WRONG to assume such things. Not all men might voice their opinion or give suggestions on nursery colors but they do care and they do want to be included. The want to feel appreciated. They still want home cooked meals whenever possible, they want to talk about something other than binkies and bottles.
      Here are some suggestions in ways to include husbands during pregnancy:

• let them feel when they baby kicks.
• have them come to the checkups and ultrasounds
• go baby shopping together.
• let him read and talk to the baby.

Another important thing is to keep the romance alive during pregnancy, don't neglect his needs of wanting someone to talk to and spend time together. GO ON DATES. They can be inexpensive dates.

I had an WOW moment in class on Thursday, I have always thought and had strong feeling in regards to not letting any family members in the delivery room except for my husband. it's a personal and private matter that should only be between husband and wife. 

Well in class the point was brought up that when other family members are in the delivery room as well. It can turn into mommy, baby, and grandma instead of mommy, baby and daddy. It is a sacred and tender moment that needs to be shared between the new mother and father. Allowing others into the equation can make the husband feel left out and can create a gap in the marriage relationship that wont ever be able to heal.